Hopefully, the following will benefit you or some of your friends who are experiencing this season of life. If you have other things that have been successful, feel free to share with the group!
Introducing a New Baby Into Your Home...
A newborn will be the focus of attention in any home. This is especially true for a first child. Exhausted parents struggle to make many adjustments and grow in confidence in caring for a baby. I have always thought that the first child was the hardest, because parents don't know what they're doing, and they either get too much advice or not enough.
No child should remain the center of attention in the family for very long. Children should learn early in life that they are not the center of the universe. This is the first step in leading them away from a self-centered life toward one that is intent on serving others.
The early childhood years are important. During this time the seeds of character are beginning to develop. Personality qualities such as patience, thoughtfulness, gentleness, and caring begin to develop at this age.
Here are practical tips for relieving some of the natural rivalry between siblings and helping them to develop an appreciation for one another.
1. Prepare for the homecoming
When a new baby is due soon, begin preparing an older child for the baby's arrival. Bolster your older child's self-esteem often. Give him or her a positive vision for what a good older sibling he or she will be. Say, "You are going to be the best big brother this little baby could ever have. I am so proud of you." Or, "This new baby is so lucky to have you for a sister. You are going to be able to teach him so many things."
Don't be shocked when the new baby is a disappointment to an older child. After all, that little baby isn't much fun to play with. Remind the older child that the baby will grow up soon, and then they can run all over and play together.
2. Have an activity box for the older children
Older siblings often misbehave when Mom or Dad is taking care of the new baby. A special activity box can help at those times. Fill a plastic box with markers, stickers, paper, and other tools for creativity, and keep it in a specific place. This is the "big boy" or "big girl" box, and it comes out only when parents are busy with the new baby. A big brother or sister is the only one who can have this special box.
3. Take the older children on outings all by themselves
Older children resent the time a baby takes, but special outings with Mom or Dad can lessen the feelings. Leave the baby with a sitter and take the older child out for ice cream. Take him to a playground or a fast food restaurant. Let him stay up to watch an appropriate video with you. This doesn't completely solve the problem, but when those times of resentment come and the older child expresses his negative feelings, remind him of your special dates with him alone.
4. Set clear standards of behavior during the early years
We all want others to make changes so that our lifestyles are a little more comfortable—so that our own desires will be satisfied. We are basically self-centered, and we will never completely get over it this side of heaven. When the standards of acceptable behavior are clear to our young children, they will know how we expect them to relate to one another. Be clear, firm, and consistent with discipline.
5. Teach young children to wait
Teaching a child to wait for attention is no fun. It's tough on the parents and it's tough on the child. They won't like it. They may throw a temper tantrum, but they need to learn to wait. God will use a new baby as an instrument to help us teach our younger children they must wait for attention.
Most of the time we want immediate satisfaction of our needs. Learning at a young age to wait is a good thing. So when you hear wails of protest from your child—that they dislikes the new baby because you can't take care of her needs first—hang in there. Your children are learning that the world doesn't revolve around them. That's a good thing!
6. Teach children to look out for each other
Our message to our kids should be, "Brothers and sisters are our greatest treasures. Take care of them. "
This idea is most easily communicated when your children are young. In the middle years, they may view each other more like a chronic embarrassment, or an impossible burden, than a great treasure.
Bottom line, it's sometimes hard work to stay consistent with your example and guidance to your children, especially as they multiply! As parents we can feel overworked and that we give, give, give and it's true you do and you will for a lifetime. But there is joy in the journey and wonderful lessons and joy that comes through it all. Embrace and enjoy your parenthood, remember God is your great strength and Master Teacher and we have each other to share times of struggle and times of celebration with. Lean on these resources and know the best is yet to come.
Rita
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